Well, it's day 6 of my yoga challenge. I have done yoga at least 15 minutes every day since last Thursday.

I actually realized I have done yoga every day since last Tuesday, so it's technically day 8, but it was Wednesday that I decided I would do it every day, and then did it the next day and have done it every day since.

Technicalities aside...

I'm feeling great. I'm still tired in the mornings, I still get to work and want to crawl back to bed, but maybe that has more to do with work than it does with being tired. Anyway, I feel like my muscles are getting more toned, my technique is getting stronger and better, and I think it is helping with self esteem and somewhat with the fatigue. Mentally I definitely feel better. I can wait for the physical to catch up.

(I wish I could do this)

I went to a meet and greet/discussion that is held once a month for poly women. I brought up the topic about how I don't know if I could determine I wanted to be polyamorous or monogamous with a person when I first start dating them, because you're not really exclusive at the beginning anyway (usually), you don't know how long you're going to date, and you don't know what kind of dynamic is going to develop if you do continue dating and form a relationship. I think some people might think that sounds crazy, that polyamory has to be a requirement from the beginning and you can't date someone who wouldn't want to be polyamorous. I see that to a certain extent - you would want to know that they would be open to talking about it, but I don't think I want to go into a situation being like "you must be polyamorous, or else!"

But that brings up the question...Do you mention it earlier in the relationship? Like, first date? Or after a little while of dating? We talked about that last night, too, and I think the responses to that question were mixed. Some people think it's better to say it right away, maybe to "weed out" the people who aren't going to be comfortable with that. Then you can know if someone is at least open to talking about it later. If they are not even open to the idea, then you know right away. But my therapist thought if you go into a dating situation, while you're still casual, you can get to know the person and what their personality is, what their thoughts about life in general are, what their morals and values are, and then know a) whether or not you think you want to take the next step, or b) whether or not they would be open to something like polyamory.

I don't know which one I agree with. I guess you have to feel out each situation.

I haven't had a whole lot of drama in my life lately, so I haven't had any really emotional posts. I like my quiet life, honestly. I sometimes get lonely, but I like having the freedom to do whatever I want (outside of work, I guess), see my friends when I want, stay home when I want, hang out with my cats when I want, go for walks when I want, do yoga first thing when I wake up if I want...I'm not trying to juggle another person in my life. While I do like the idea of dating and eventually being in a relationship again, I like my independence. The next time I start heading down the relationship road, I think I will have to just remember that and always stay true to that. The person I'm dating will just have to understand, I guess. Especially at first when you're not committed yet.

Someone yesterday said she had heard the phrase, "Be your own primary." I like that. I want to be my own primary.

Today, I am going to write about one of my cats.

I just got inspired because one of my cats, Miyu, is lying on the table next to me, purring like a broken motor. She has a story.

She was abandoned back home, and found on a busy street. I don't know who abandoned her, or how she was "kicked out," but I suspect it was a male, because when she meets new males, it takes her a very long time to warm up to them. Male voices seem to scare her, too. I found her at the Humane Society on "Free Cat Friday," and was told she was "undersocialized." She was only 5 months old, and I saw her in her little glass cage, peering up at me. She wasn't scared then, perhaps because she knew the cage kept her separated from all the scary people walking by. I visited with her in the room where they typically give the animals baths, and she ran under the tub and wouldn't come out. She wouldn't play with me, and no amount of coaxing would get her out. I finally reached under and pulled her out and held her. She was shaking. She was terrified, the poor thing. I told them I had to think about it and left.

I came back later the same day with my mom, because I was living with her at the time and wanted to make sure it was ok to have another cat in her house. We were in a different room this time, and I guess because Miyu remembered me but didn't know my mother, she crawled into my crotch (I was sitting cross legged on the floor). She was so scared of people she didn't know, it was heartbreaking. But I decided to take her anyway. She was the last cat to leave the building. There was another cat who was taken home before she was, and he was at least 12 years old. No one wanted an undersocialized kitten.

 

It took her a few weeks to get comfortable with me. She stayed under the bed in the guest room and I couldn't get to her. A few times I managed to grab her and hold her, but she would struggle and jump down and back under the bed.

But one day, I came in to give her food, and as I knelt down to place her bowls on the floor, she came out from under the bed and rubbed against my legs and my arms, over and over again. I guess she finally realized I was a nice person, and she finally decided I was hers (what with all the rubbing).

Since then we've been really close, and she gets along with my other cat, Jack (I will write about him sometime). They play and chase each other, sometimes they hiss at each other, but they go right back to being friends. She is so sweet and will rub against your legs and your hands for sometimes half an hour at a time. She still hides when people she doesn't know are around, but she warms up to them a lot quicker now. She doesn't really meow, she opens her mouth and makes a little squeaking noise. I read that many cats who grow up outside are taught by their mothers to only meow when something is wrong so as not to attract attention otherwise.

I sometimes wonder about her past, about where she was found, who she was with before me, why she ended up being abandoned. She is a lot like me - she has trust issues because she learned to have them. She's been betrayed, but she's pulled through and has found someone who loves and cares about her. My cats are really my best friends, and my family. I was not intending to get another cat after Jack, but I feel like Miyu and I were meant to be.

(Agggh, Mommy, too many kisses...)