One reason I wanted to start this blog was to explore and talk about my spirituality, hence the name "Spiritu:Re:Ality." I haven't really done that yet, so here we go.

In 2004, I came across the term "pagan" for the second time in my life. I came across the concept for the first time during high school, while I was still attending the very traditional high school, before I switched to the very non-traditional school which benefited so much in making me who I am today. So, in 2004, something switched on inside me, and I started thinking, "I want to explore this pagan thing." I started networking with people online, especially with a group of pagan women in Colorado, and met the person who would become the High Priestess of the first coven I ever was part of.

Maybe I should back up. What is paganism? The word "pagan" comes from the Latin word "paganus," which means "country dweller." (Thank you, Wikipedia.) Many people know it as a term describing anything not Christian, but there is much more to it than that. Pagans feel a strong connection to nature and their ancestors, whether they be European, Asian, African, etc. Sometimes pagans experience a strong connection to all of the above. Many pagans see the divine as being female and male at once, and call on a Goddess and God. Others work with just a Goddess, others with just a God. There are many different types of pagans, but the one thing that connects all pagans is the fact that spiritual power can be drawn from nature, and that nature can heal, enlighten, and strengthen someone. There is also energy that flows through every person and every piece of nature, and this energy can be harnessed to make things happen. Pagans conduct rituals, which are very much like praying with a more hands-on approach, and often include certain herbs that are burned as incense, certain stones that contain certain types of energy (such as healing, or invigorating, etc.), and the words that are spoken are more action-based ("May such and such happen") rather than request-based ("Please, God, make such and such happen").

So, there's paganism in a nutshell.

I'm not sure what attracted me to paganism in the first place. I think it was the combination of connection to nature, and the magic of the rituals. (And I mean magic both figuratively and literally - pagans see the manipulation of energy as magic, but I also mean a sense of magic; the feeling of excitement, of something new, of something actually happening.) So, I started studying and practicing with the woman I mentioned above, and joined a coven (a group) of amazing, strong women.

Also in high school, before I decided to look into paganism more, I discovered the Unity Church. My dad had told me his mom took him and his sisters to the Unity Church often, and he said they had a different idea of the Bible and Jesus than most Christians. So I went to one of their services, and I was amazed. They spoke about Eastern religions and philosophy, they meditated during the service, they sang and danced and just experienced joy. Their website said they welcomed people of any and all religions, that they are called the Unity Church because they accept all people and unify them. I remember, after one of the services I attended, there was a woman dressed in all black wearing a pentacle. I knew what that pentacle meant, because I had been introduced to paganism before. I noticed people were not staring at her like she was a freak. They were smiling at her, welcoming her to the church, and treating her like a human being. I was amazed.

I also attended the youth group at the Unity Church for a good while, and actually, I think that is why I decided to look into paganism again. There was a guy in the group who came regularly and wore a pentacle, and I asked him about it and he told me a little about it. And it was at that moment I realized you can be more than one "religion," you can experience more than one type of spirituality at once. Even after I started practicing paganism seriously, I went to Unity Church events and services quite often.

I had always felt a connection to the idea, or the energy, if you will, of Jesus Christ. But I did not feel connected to how he was portrayed in most Christian churches. I've always thought it was a silly notion that a guy died on a cross to absolve me of my sins...First of all, I've never believed in sins, and second of all, how can someone just do that? (If this is something you believe, by all means, I am not saying you shouldn't. It was just silly to me and doesn't work for me.) The Unity Church sees Jesus as a great master with great teachings, and the Bible as one big metaphor that can be interpreted and applied to our lives today. They take out of the Bible what works for creating positive outcomes in our lives, and leave the parts that don't serve them. I can totally wrap my head around that, because I have been doing that spiritually for years.

Those are my basic thoughts on my spirituality. I dabble sometimes in Jewish paganism also (Judaism and paganism are very similar, believe it or not). I attend a Unity Church pretty regularly and am a proud member at one. I have been working with a coven since I've moved here and have learned a lot. I do yoga regularly and it is a moving meditation with effects that trickle into the rest of my life. I'm more a pantheist than anything, and truly believe the Divine, whatever word you want to use for it, is in me and around me in nature and the world, and it is not an entity that is "up there" looking down on me from above. And I've discovered that I feel called to the energy of Mary Magdalene. I love my "grocery store" spirituality. It's what works for me.

But I'm starting to realize, I can't be boxed in. I can't devote all of my time to one group, or one thing. I take what works for me, I leave what doesn't. In my view, all our versions of the divine are describing the same thing, just using different words. My spiritual path will always unfold before me in ways that I never imagined. I look back on my path and see all the wonderful things I have learned. I've taken some things, and left others, and will probably continue doing this forever.

(Where does the blue part come from anyway?)

I went to a Chinese wedding with "Tom" on Sunday. It was his high school friend's wedding. Honestly, it was awesome. The ceremony was kind of religious, they quoted from the Bible and whatnot. It was also done in Chinese and English, which I thought was pretty cool. The reception was at a restaurant, and there was TONS of food. I was so stuffed by the end. The bride had this nice dress that was sequined yet pretty simple, and her she changed into a red dress partway through the reception (I learned new things that night - apparently red is very lucky in Chinese culture). The groom got super drunk at the reception, doing shots with everyone. It was nice meeting some of Tom's high school friends, too. Like we've gotten to that point in our relationship where we introduce each other to our friends. OK, it's more like we've gotten to that point in Tom's relationship with me where he introduces me to his friends. He had already met some of my friends the first time we dated. Anyway, it's nice to know that he is comfortable enough to do that now. Also, we experiened another rite of passage - making our relationship "official" on Facebook (but of course as an open relationship). I have learned I just need to be patient with him and wait things out. Which is fine by me. I want to take things slowly, too.

Anyway, at this wedding, I couldn't help feeling kind of warm and fuzzy. I'm not really into the typical idea of marriage. I don't really see the point, and I don't really want the church or state to be involved in my decision to have a long term committed relationship with someone. I think it's great when people get married, and I'm happy for them. But the typical marriage thing...I don't know. However, I do like the fact that people celebrate their choice to be in a long term, committed relationship. (I want to specify here that by committed I don't actually mean "til death do us part." I actually mean being committed to working things out together when times get tough, being there for each other through thick and thin, maybe even starting a family together. It doesn't mean you have to be married on paper to have this kind of relationship. And it doesn't mean you have to be monogamous to have this kind - or even traditional "on paper" married - relationship. And in either scenario, things can change. Marriages fall apart, long term "not on paper" relationships fall apart. You have to realize that no matter what scenario you're in. Just wanted to make that clear.)

So, I feel conflicted. There's the feminist, modern, 21st century part of me who is like "fuck this marriage crap. It's antiquated and it was only designed to acquire land and for nobles and royalty to get land and power and wealth." Then there's this other part of me that actually wouldn't mind having some sort of celebration to mark starting a life with someone, not necessarily til death do us part, but for the time being. Then there's this OTHER other part of me that wants to be secure in a relationship for the rest of my life (but the former 2 parts remind that part of me that that is kinda unrealistic).

I look at my cousins - one has gotten married and another is getting married next spring. I'm really so happy for them. I have friends who have gotten married recently, and I'm super happy for them, too. I knew two people who had a ceremony but didn't sign any marriage certificate or anything, so they went a few years, then decided not to renew their vows and went their separate ways (I like that idea, a lot). No matter what people choose to do, it's their choice, it's their life, and I support that as long as they are happy. (Though, even if they are not happy, that's their choice, too...) Hell, if 3 people want to get married to each other, I'm happy for them, too.

I guess a big problem I have with marriage is how it's so rigid. 2 people, and in the US and many other countries, just one man and one woman. That's what bugs me. The government and the church feel the need to tell us what arrangement is right and which are not allowed. That seems pretty twisted to me. So while I wouldn't mind having that ceremony I talked about earlier, I feel like getting the government involved would show that I somehow support this rigid, intolerant structure. So I think I'll stick to handfastings maybe, jumping over a broom and calling it a day. ;)

This?

Or this?

Or this?

 (This could be any combination of genders, this was just all I could find. /Disclaimer)

Oooooh this makes me so MAD!

There are so many things I could say about this. I could say he's a fucktard and I wish euthanasia was legal. I could say it's just his opinion. I could say he's misinformed and that's very sad, but he's just crazy and no one will listen to him anyway.

But people were listening! If you watch the video, you can hear the congregation saying "amen!" I mean...how screwed up is that?

I posted a link to it on Facebook and a friend commented, "This guy is severely fucked." Another friend added, "Most likely in public rest stops." And I had to laugh about that, because maybe it just is another Ted Haggard situation. In the video, he says, "Can you imagine kissing another man?" And I have to think, maybe he was imagining it right when he said that.

Who knows, right?

But that's the point. Don't judge when you don't know what is going on with someone, going on inside of them, in their mind. That's where this guy should have started, and instead he had to go on and on about the Bible and how wrong this is and blah blah blah. And now that he's said that, I don't think we have an obligation to not judge him because we don't know what is going on inside of him. We don't know what's going on inside of him, but we know what he let OUT of him. We choose the things we say...Unless we have Tourrettes.

He has the right to freedom of speech, but this is hate speech. And in Canada, and other countries, this is illegal. But in the U.S. of A, you can say whatever you want! You don't have to take responsibility for what you say! But you can if you want, I guess.

Sorry, but that is one thing about the US that I just can't wrap my head around anymore. I don't want this to turn into a big US bashing post. There are still things I love about the US, but this kind of thing is just going too far.

Good thing that even if politicians are against gay marriage, they're probably NOT going to put LGBTQ (us) people in a big electric fence and drop food from airplanes once in a while. Some politicians are sick, but I don't think they're that sick.

Wait a minute...That's probably what people said about Hitler, and look what happened...Well, crap. There goes that.

I have no faith in the world anymore. *Headdesk*