I'm disturbed by this masculinist movement.

OK, so, I get that feminists came in and they went all extreme and were like "we're tired of being walked all over by men! Men suck! Women rule! Boys drool!" *Battle cry* ...And the like. They really went extreme, so I understand why men would react and become "masculinists." But I think it's dangerous to go either way. Dangerous because it creates just another uneven playing field, which we know does not bode well for society. And not only is it dangerous, it's also just stupid!

I was walking down the street with my boyfriend one day and ran across these posters on a telephone pole:

So, we have masculinists in the city where I live, apparently. OK, I'm going to give it away, after not saying it outright all this time. We have masculinists in Vancouver. (Most of the people who read my blog know it's me anyway.)

What really bothers me about these pictures is the idea that people are saying all men are rapists and men can stop rape. First of all, I don't know anyone saying all men are rapists. I know there are people saying that in some areas of the world, a very high percentage of rape is done by men. But all men? Don't think so. Not even extreme feminists say that ALL men are rapists. And saying "men can stop rape" is a bad thing? Men CAN stop rape. Men who rape can stop. They can choose not to. Unless they are really deranged, I suppose, but then they should probably be in an institution being taken care of, and there's not enough of that going on either (that's a whole 'nother blog post). But yes, men CAN stop rape. They can stop themselves from doing it, they can educate others. That goes for women, too, of course. Women can educate not just men, not just women, but PEOPLE about rape.

Then the second sign. "Sperm! My body! My choice!"

OK, I don't disagree that men have the right to choose to do whatever they want with their bodies, just like women do, but...This just doesn't make any sense. Men produce sperm for their whole lives. Just look at Hugh Hefner - men have sex, and ejaculate, until they are OLD. (I don't know for a fact that Hugh is still ejaculating, but I'm willing to bet he's having a pretty good time in his mansion.) Women can have sex until they're old, but making babies? Not so much. Not after a certain point. Women have limited eggs and limited time to procreate. So, implying that male sperm is somehow being limited is just, well, weird. And I haven't heard ANYONE say, "Men should not be allowed to get vasectomies!" So, what are they complaining about anyway?

My biggest issue with these types of things is the extremism. I don't like extreme feminists, and I don't like the above. I am an equalist, and lots of people will say that it could never happen, with human nature and society we can never be totally equal, blah blah blah. Maybe not. But we can try. We can start treating people with the respect we want to receive from them (the golden rule anyone?). We can stop saying men are better than women, women are better than men. We can acknowledge that we are all on our own paths making our own journeys through life, and no one has a right to say what is the right way to do it. (I mean, unless people are getting hurt in the process, and yes, you can argue that abortion hurts people, but...Let's just not go there, ok? The point is, if someone chooses to do that to themselves, fine. There are people who choose to hurt themselves, not just by abortion but in other ways, and they, in my opinion, are allowed to do that...To themselves. I'd rather they didn't, but who am I to say they can't? When it comes to hurting someone else, on purpose...Yeah, not so much. I digress!)

So, we have the Vancouver Men's Right's Activism group. Their homepage says: "The MRM is a non-violent, non-political movement comprised of men and women who believe, based on a growing body of evidence that the human rights of males are being systematically removed by activists, lobbyists, politicians and academicians who cling to a misguided and wrongheaded belief that masculinity is fundamentally violent or harmful."

Non-violent. Cool. I can get behind that. Non-political? I'm not so sure that's true, especially since they think the human rights of males are being removed, which involves politics, sorry to say. (And is "academicians" a word?) I can also get behind the fact that they feel they're being wronged. Fine. But I still say: no one is telling a man they can't get a vasectomy. No one is telling a man they can't have a job. No one is giving a man a lower paycheque JUST because they're male. Etc.

And it goes on: "A few examples include that Men die roughly 5 years earlier than women, men commit suicide at 4 times the rate of women. In addition, 93% of workplace deaths are male, and while courts enforce financial obligations to women with children,  they have no reproductive rights." What other circumstances are going on here? Why are men dying 5 years earlier? Why are they committing suicide? Maybe it has NOTHING to do with feminism or whether or not males can do whatever they want. Maybe it has to do with something completely different. Maybe it's just coincidence. And where did that data come from anyway? I'm not going to believe something someone just slapped on the internet and called it truth. As for reproductive rights, they kind of have a point there, but I have definitely heard of cases where men were able to get custody because the circumstances with the mother were not right or safe. And if men are complaining about having to pay money to help keep their children healthy, educated, and safe - then they probably shouldn't want to have anything to do with their kids anyway, because kids take MONEY. Hate to say it, but it's true.

This concludes my little rant about this silly masculinist movement. Everything is being completely blown out of proportion, just like early feminists and many feminists today blow their situations out of proportion. Equalism, baby. Equalism.

I have decided that every time I write or do yoga, I will put anything higher than a penny in a jar. Then I will reward myself with something when I have enough money saved up. This might take a while, but it's a good motivator, I think. I started reading a book called "Change Anything" a while back, and it says that when you have a goal, make it into a game. So, this is my way of making it into a game and rewarding myself. We'll see how it goes!

So, my topic today: Slut shaming.

I love Upworthy. They always have the BEST videos. So, this is a 13 year old talking about slut shaming, and it is worth 3 minutes of your time:

This makes me think about how when I was 13, I was so immature. I was still reading the Baby Sitters Club and worrying about my weight, not thinking about slut shaming and how it's a horrible thing. Geez. Was that something exclusive to me, or are kids just getting mature a lot faster now?

Well, anyway, she so has a point. She has many points. I feel like it's a bit of a chicken and egg situation. Which came first, the patriarchy or the slutty clothing? Let's face it, prostitutes have been around FOREVER. Ever since trading began, I'm sure. Prostitution is the oldest occupation, and I see nothing wrong with it, as long as they're being safe (using protection, able to protect themselves from scary clients, etc.). In fact, I think it should be legal.

I digress.

I love how she says: "Slut shaming is the unfortunate phenomenon in which people degrade or mock a woman because she dresses in tight or revealing clothing, enjoys sex, has sex a lot, or may even just be rumoured to participate in sexual activity. The message that slut shaming sends to women is that sex is bad, having sex with more than one person is horrible, and everyone will hate you for having sex at all."

A bit later she says, "It is nobody's business but your own how many people you're having sex with."

Amen, sista.

It's this kind of thing that gives polyamory such a bad name. For some reason, people think they should be involved in peoples' private lives, which is just stupid. If a conservative person were like "don't have sex with more than one person!" how would they like it if I pried into their private life and said "don't pray before bed!"...Ok, that's the only one I can come up with. Conservative people are boring.

Anyway, this culture of slut shaming we have has really paved the way for some screwy notions about sex. If we keep this up, girls are going to grow up feeling horrible about themselves, horrible about their natural sex drive, horrible about their bodies, they are going to feel like they're owned by other people because they think what other people say matters so much, some of them won't be able to even enjoy sex because the whole thing has been twisted into this evil thing...Oh wait, this is already happening.

I'm not sure how we can change this for the betterment of all women out there who want to enjoy sex, and for the girls who should grow up knowing sex is natural and enjoyable. I guess spreading this video and this message is one way. Things spread like wildfire on teh interwebs.

So go forth, link to the video, link to my blog!

Please?

And remember, kids: "If you've given your consent, if you're emotionally and physically ready for it, if you're using proper protection, and if you feel safe and comfortable with your partner, then sex is good. It is nobody's business but your own how many people you're having sex with or how much sex you have. And you don't deserve to be hated on for being sexually active with more than one partner."

Bam. Most mature 13 year old ever.

I wrote this E-mail recently, and I thought it sums my thoughts about polyamory up nicely:


"I'm learning a lot more about human nature, and how our monogamous society probably isn't actually our true nature at all, in fact, it's the opposite, but socialization is a very powerful thing, and we have all grown up being used to monogamy as the standard. But it seems like so few monogamous relationships are working these days, especially with our generation, so I think there's something to be said for that. And feelings of jealousy and entitlement and that kind of thing which may be our human 'nature' just have to be acknowledged, and talked about, and there has to be a lot of communication. Each person involved has to be honest with themselves and honest with each other. If not, THEN it's cheating ;) Relationships are hard no matter what form they take, and polyamory adds a whole new dimension to it, but I have seen it work. Also, it depends on how you define it 'working.' It could mean that someone is with someone else for the rest of their lives. If could mean that people are together for a time, maybe a long time, maybe not, but they learned a lot and had a really good experience together and got something out of it...That could also be seen as 'working.' So, it's a perspective thing really. It takes time, and practice, I'm learning. :) "


Wow, I feel so mature!!! =D


So, "Sex at Dawn." I just finished a part where they talk about how in many forager societies that exist today, they have found that the men all take care of the children, even the ones that are not "theirs." But, it is also ambiguous as to who the father is biologically, because there are no monogamous relationships. So the whole community takes care of the children as if they were all their own. I think that sounds wonderful. I think about how different I would be if I had grown up in a society like that, with lots of loving people taking care of me and my siblings and friends and cousins, etc. My views on sex would be totally different, I would probably be a happier, more secure person (though, spit me out into the society we have now, and that might have gotten really confusing, but let's assume the whole society is like this in my little scenario here). Actually, they found that children who grew up in societies like that are happy and have no issues with depression, at least in the ways we do in our society. (I'm sure there are times when they're sad, but it's a different kind of cycle than we have in our divided, individualized society.)


It's so fascinating.


I always thought it would be cool to live in a commune. Add a scenario like this, and it might be awesome. Though you'd probably be seen as crazy polygamists or something by everyone else if they knew what was going on. I happen to care about my reputation since I'm trying to have a career and whatnot, I must say.


(Though, I suppose if you live on a commune where everyone does everything together and supports each other through growing food and every other aspect of life, maybe you wouldn't need to have a "career" in the "traditional" sense. And I think most communes these days consist of people who have monogamous relationships, while doing everything else together. I say most. Probably not all.)


Since I have come to a big city with no family close by, I have started to realize just how separate we all are in this society. I mean, I knew it before, and I've lived briefly in big cities and visited them a lot. And I grew up mostly in the mountains in a tiny town, with neighbours who were visible from our house, but not close at all, not like in city neighbourhoods. So I have grown up rather separate from everyone else in society. In high school, I went to a very small school, which was a real community, except we didn't live together. But I saw these people every day, and the collaboration that I experienced there was really amazing and uplifting when I think back.


People needs communities. Dr. Andrew Weil says that one of the best cures of depression is not actually to curl up on your couch and feel sad (though, you should be in touch with your emotions and do that, too, just not on a regular basis), but to go spend time with others in social situations. It's the closest we're going to get in our society to having a community, unless we join a commune or leave the society completely to live with aboriginals in South America or Africa...


There are times when I like being alone, cuddling with my cats. But having a community is very important to me, and I have a few of them, here and back home. It's so important. I hope we can all find communities where we are accepted for who we are and supported in various ways.

Oooooh this makes me so MAD!

There are so many things I could say about this. I could say he's a fucktard and I wish euthanasia was legal. I could say it's just his opinion. I could say he's misinformed and that's very sad, but he's just crazy and no one will listen to him anyway.

But people were listening! If you watch the video, you can hear the congregation saying "amen!" I mean...how screwed up is that?

I posted a link to it on Facebook and a friend commented, "This guy is severely fucked." Another friend added, "Most likely in public rest stops." And I had to laugh about that, because maybe it just is another Ted Haggard situation. In the video, he says, "Can you imagine kissing another man?" And I have to think, maybe he was imagining it right when he said that.

Who knows, right?

But that's the point. Don't judge when you don't know what is going on with someone, going on inside of them, in their mind. That's where this guy should have started, and instead he had to go on and on about the Bible and how wrong this is and blah blah blah. And now that he's said that, I don't think we have an obligation to not judge him because we don't know what is going on inside of him. We don't know what's going on inside of him, but we know what he let OUT of him. We choose the things we say...Unless we have Tourrettes.

He has the right to freedom of speech, but this is hate speech. And in Canada, and other countries, this is illegal. But in the U.S. of A, you can say whatever you want! You don't have to take responsibility for what you say! But you can if you want, I guess.

Sorry, but that is one thing about the US that I just can't wrap my head around anymore. I don't want this to turn into a big US bashing post. There are still things I love about the US, but this kind of thing is just going too far.

Good thing that even if politicians are against gay marriage, they're probably NOT going to put LGBTQ (us) people in a big electric fence and drop food from airplanes once in a while. Some politicians are sick, but I don't think they're that sick.

Wait a minute...That's probably what people said about Hitler, and look what happened...Well, crap. There goes that.

I have no faith in the world anymore. *Headdesk*