To quit or not to quit? That is the question.

Well, it's day 3 of "let's keep shoving the review of your review into the indefinite future," meaning, it happened twice last week and has happened again. It has become clear to me that I am not important to this company, and I am questioning why I should stay here any longer. Right now, I am the only one in the office and I have half a mind to leave and never come back. I am fed up with being ignored, promised things that aren't delivered, and basically, everything about this job. Apparently, they don't need me, otherwise they would be giving me a raise in a timely fashion, they would be excited to do my review with me for said raise, they would give me more work to do, and they would basically respect me as a worker and a human being. While they are not being outright disrespectful, they are pulling my chain, and I am fucking sick of it.

I was told by my boss on Thursday that I "need to stop stressing" about the review of my review (background story: my boss was supposed to do a review with me after 3 months of working full time, and it got pushed back and pushed back until the executive assistant finally did it. Now I'm supposed to be talking to my boss about that review, and here we are now). I thought that was extremely inappropriate because a) I am not stressing, I am just annoyed, and b) It was obvious the executive assistant texted my boss after I heard that it would be rescheduled again, I said to the assistant, "I'd like this to happen sooner rather than later because it's been rescheduled twice already" and she started getting snippy and saying "this is out of my hands." I understand it is, and I even said, "I'm not saying this is your fault or you're doing anything wrong, I'm just saying I hope it happens soon." Then my boss says I need to stop stressing, so of course, he was told what I said by the assistant. It's very high school.

I was also told a few weeks ago that if I were not here, they would just hire a Canadian to do my job. This was because I found out that they are taking 15 months to process applications for permanent residency, and I can't apply until January of next year, and my work permit expires September 1st of next year, which means they would have only 9 months to process it if I were to stay in the country, otherwise I have to go back to the States, or I would automatically change to visitor status and not be able to work, or my job would have to write them a letter saying that by having me work for them, they would not be denying a job to a Canadian national. Hence, the accountant (who is also a semi-manager-supervisor-person of mine) saying "well, if you weren't here, we would just hire someone else."

So, obviously, they can just hire someone else. No problem.

So why am I so freaked out about leaving? Why am I not just walking out of here? Why am I not quitting?

I don't know. I guess it would make this whole work permit and applying for permanent residency thing more complicated if I didn't have any work in between. Which sounds like I should look for another job, go on interviews, and then quit when I have something else lined up. That means that I would have 3 employers to put down on my permanent residency application, but I guess that isn't such a big deal.

But part of me really wants to just get up and leave and not come back. I could say I'm not feeling well today and go home, and I'm sure no one would bat an eye. I could go home and start looking for jobs. In fact maybe I will do that.

I guess it just sucks when you have to end things. Quitting a job sucks. And I guess I don't really have to do it, but it means putting up with their bullshit for however long I do decide to be here. Do I want to go through that? Do I want them to keep stringing me along, hoping that something will finally happen? I have already tried to express my concern and I have either been ignored, or I've been told I need to "stop stressing." I have a feeling that's what's going to keep happening. So why should I keep putting myself through it? Just to have the convenience of a job that I'm starting to hate? I don't know if that makes sense anymore, for my sanity.

I don't know what to do.


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