Comment on A Post from Another Blog

I follow another blog that has to do with only polyamory, and I read this post and she of course has some points that are valid, like that monogamous people look at her like she has 2 heads when she talks about her polyamorous life. And that people say things like "it's not normal, but it works for some people," and she points out that people saying this is not going to accomplish anything, and it just reinforces the idea that being polyamorous is not normal and that it can't work, it can't be widespread, etc.

Then she says, "This is normal for me. This is what works. Monogamy is the weird thing to me. And that’s okay. I am allowed to say that. I don’t have to apologize for thinking that."

Totally true, but I just find it interesting that I disagree. I don't think monogamy is weird at all, actually. I can understand that you would want to have someone as your partner for a very long time, and maybe only that person. I still feel that way. And there are many different polyamorous configurations (see "Complicated Sex Graphic"), and the way I see it working for me in theory is having a "primary" person (I know some people hate that word, but no one has come up with a better one, so I'll just use it), establishing a committed relationship with them, and then opening it up. So it's like having an open monogamous relationship, I guess. That's what I think would work for me, it doesn't work for everyone who's polyamorous. Or monogamous.

I just find it interesting that people who are poly can think monogamy is just as weird as monogamous people think polyamory is weird. It just proves there are so many ways to love people, and that is totally ok!

The only criticism I would have about the post on which I'm commenting is that calling monogamy weird is doing the same thing that polyamorous people hate monogamous people doing. Monogamous people say "that's weird" and with judgment, and saying monogamy is weird is just judging them the way you don't want to be.

I know we can't all be politically correct all the time, and I don't think we always should be (that must be the American part of me, ha!). I just don't want to stop being monogamous and go to the other extreme just because monogamy didn't work for me in the past or doesn't make sense to me now. It's like when I entered the pagan community - so many people grew up as Christian and had such a negative time with it, they went the other extreme to hating Christianity and anything involved with it. I guess I just don't like extremes.

And that's just me. And that's ok. I'm allowed to be that way. I don't have to apologize for that. ;) (Thanks for letting me borrow your words!)

I have to say, Polycule is an awesome blog, and this just shows she writes stuff that's insightful enough to motivate others to comment on it! Yay blogging!

Sometimes poly relationships can look like molecules, hence the blog named "Polycule," on which I am commenting.


  • Megan | 05 June, 2012 19:40

    I don't think monogamy is weird, either. It's just not for me. And I understand why monogamous people may feel that polyamory is not for them. The correct response, from either side, is, "My way is not your way. Your way is not my way."

  • Small Girl Big World | 05 June, 2012 21:16

    Exactly. ;) But I'm one of those weird people who actually could go either way, I think. It depends on the person, and the circumstances, maybe? I've only tried being in an open relationship once since high school (that was a disaster, high school open relationships, I mean - for obvious reasons), so maybe I just need to be in more to know what I really want and need, you know?

    Still figuring this all out =D

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