The Writing Blues

More and more, I'm starting to crave living without all these rules and restrictions.

It's Monday. I wake up to my iPod blasting music, and my cat rubbing against me. I'm also drenched in cold sweat (good old sleep problems, they never let you down in the discomfort department). Despite that last part, I want to turn my iPod off and stay in bed. Who doesn't, right? But I roll out of bed, and feed the cats, and sit down at the computer and eat a yoghurt.

I really want to go back to bed.

The 5 day work week is something I thought I wanted. I thought I wanted structure throughout the week and all that good stuff. More and more, I've been wanting to leave it all behind.

It's not something that is particularly possible right now, since I need to work full time to apply for permanent residency. But maybe in the future. I love the thought of being my own boss.

I actually don't mind getting up early. I don't mind being busy. But the thought of rolling out of bed, getting all ready for work, and getting to work only to sit down at a desk again makes me just want to crawl back into bed and never get out of it. It's so BORING.

The problem is, I don't know what I would do to have an income, except writing. And that is something I should in theory be working on outside of my job so that I can finally present something to a publisher or an agent or something. But I haven't been working on writing, except blogging. Blogging is great, but I don't think it's something I can quit my job for.

The other option would be going back to school to do something that can be more freelance, or without the restrictions of Monday-Friday, 9-5, sit at your desk until you rot. I've been seriously considering going back to school for journalism, but that's on hold until I get permanent residency. I'm not allowed to work and go to school at the same time with my work permit.

Back to writing - how do I get that great idea that I can sit down and hammer away at? Do I want it to be a novel, or a screenplay? Lately, working on my TV show that I started, like, last year is like pulling teeth. I sit down and draw a blank and feel totally unmotivated.

I feel like the joy of writing somehow disappeared for me. I used to write about anything, not caring if I finished it, not caring if it was good or not. I just loved writing and creating stories and characters. Then again, I was in high school, and I went to a school where I could choose what t do with my day instead of someone choosing for me. So I had a lot of free time to write. I don't have that now.

And it makes me want to quit my job so I can have more time.

Looks familiar...

Other options to make this possible: Find a sugar daddy (or mama?). Become homeless and wander the land. Move back in with my parents. Take out a mortgage but not actually buy a house. Save up like crazy for the next 10 years (because living in this town, that's how long it would take). Kill someone in my family so I can inherit their money.

OK I'm totally kidding about those, except maybe the saving up for 10 years.

(I just searched on Craigslist for "sugar daddy," out of curiosity. Now I really, really don't want to do that. Gross.)

If you have ideas, please, share them. I am all ears (eyes?).


  • Megan | 18 June, 2012 14:06

    The thing about writing is...

    If it's what you want - need - to do, nothing stops you. I went through something like what you're talking about a few times, and the only way to get out of it is to sit down and start writing again. Don't worry about it being good, and don't worry about writing the next Harry Potter series. You need to work up to that again. Just write some of your thoughts down every day. Describe things. Ask creative people in your life if they'd be willing to do you a favor and give you a few writing prompts. Just take fifteen minutes every day at first. Sometimes all it takes is getting back into the right mindset.

  • Small Girl Big World | 26 June, 2012 13:07

    You're so right. No more excuses, just gotta do it!

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