Morning thoughts

Good morning. Or afternoon or evening as the case may be.

This is day #2 of getting up earlier than usual before work and going to a cafe to write before work (hopefully this will become the usual). I'm sitting in the cafe on the ground floor of an office building across from my office building. In the midst of office buildings. So many office buildings. The only way we get sun in here is when it is directly above or when it reflects on the windows of the buildings. And that's when it's not raining.

Around me sit businessmen, in their suits, and their pressed shirts, and their ties. They chatter on their cell phones, their smartphones. (As a friend of mine once said: "Smart water, Smart cars, smartphones...Dumb people." She's so right.) As if the whole world depends on whatever business transactions they are doing today. There is a particularly round one who is trying to look down my shirt from across the room. Ugh.

Sometimes you can clearly see gender stereotypes in the office and business world. Because men aren't out hunting and gathering, they now have to be aggressive in their sales tactics and their negotiations. Though sometimes it can get downright out of control. I overheard someone in my company who will remain nameless on a conference call with two of my colleagues. Mr. No One, on the phone with another colleague with whom my company has nothing to do, was screaming at the top of his lungs, using a plethora of choice words. Something about stock, something something something. It was just nuts. But, crazy people aside...

I notice women in the business world really use their gender to get along. They tease their hair, they pile on make-up, they try to make themselves taller with their three inch heels. They wear low cut blouses. Of course, not all women are like this. Many women really are getting by on their talents and their expertise and their smarts. But I see a higher percentage (at least, in my mind) who try to use their looks to impress. Sometimes there are those who use their looks AND their smarts. They seem to be a rare breed. I'm not one of those people who uses their looks, but I do try to look nice at work, because that's what the culture calls for. It's all about culture. I sometimes I have to remember who I really am, what I really believe in, and stick to my guns.

I love my job. I really do. But for years, I had jobs that were fairly out of the norm. Retail, working on campus, etc. I seem to have forgotten about the rat race, the daily grind, the grindstone rubbing your nose raw. Sometimes I do feel like all that is left of my nose is blood and cartilage. (Too much?) I'm trying to figure out how to have a life, stay healthy, get exercise, write, and stay sane while getting up early every morning and not having any time to myself. I've also forgotten about competition, about impressing the boss more, about getting ahead by kissing ass so you can get a raise. That is not me, and unfortunately, that fact is not getting me ahead. Apparently having virtue and morals while trying to make a living isn't possible. But I try.

I've been really exhausted lately. I suspect I have a sleep problem, but it could just be that I'm exhausted. I'm waiting to hear back from a sleep specialist. But maybe it's just the repetitive schedule, sitting at a desk all day, staring at a computer all day until I feel like my brain is dripping out of my ears. I try to take walks on my breaks to get my blood flowing, but it doesn't always work. Then again, sometimes I walk up slight inclines and feel like I'm going to fall over and my heart is going to explode. That can't be normal. Bring on more doctors and specialists. I have been a pincushion for years now. The vampires and I are tight.

Anyone else having issues with the daily grind? How do you get through it? What do you do to stay sane? Be honest - do you find yourself putting a mask on to get through the day and get ahead?


  • LuxAeterna | 29 May, 2012 04:32

    I took my time about it but then eventually quit my job. Wearing a mask at work is exhausting, and every day that you wear it you are not being true to yourself. Life's too short not to treat yourself well. I don't recommend being impulsive, just not passive. It's your life.

    I think you have the right attitude and that you will get the life you want by sticking to your virtues and not kissing ass. Don't fall for the belief that work has to suck though.

    This week's mission: find someone who loves their job and become their best friend.

    PS. Congratulations on getting up earlier than usual for this self-exploration time. It sounds like a great way to start the day :)

  • Small Girl Big World | 29 May, 2012 08:07

    Oh, don't get me wrong, I really do like my job. They're in the process of kind of figuring out what my job is, though, so I do sit at work with not much to do lately. But I'm still getting paid for full time, so I'm not complaining...Not really ;) Office politics sure are interesting; we went for a lunch on Friday and one coworker wasn't there and everyone was complaining about her (I tried to keep it to a minimal, but she frustrates me, too). So, yeah, it sure is interesting. Could be a good topic for a story at some point. No wonder there are shows like the Office and movies like Office Space. =D

  • LuxAeterna | 30 May, 2012 06:40

    Yep those office politics... I'm not a fan of the shame-dumping when someone's not there. It doesn't seem fair. I remember in my last job, after someone quit everything that went wrong became their fault through something they did or didn't do while they were working. Until the next person quit. With no one taking responsibility, things didn't improve. So I quit.

    What kind of job would you like to be doing there?

  • Small Girl Big World | 30 May, 2012 07:19

    That sounds like a place I used to work...Then again, the boss/owner of the place was nuts, too, so that didn't help. =P Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, and if that means leaving a situation behind, so be it. You're probably the better for it...

    Well, my dream has always been to be a writer, and if that could be my main focus in life, I would be really happy, I think...Not that it would be easy...

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