Dreams

I had a dream that "Tom" and I were back together, and that everything was really good.

I also had a dream that I was back in university and didn't want to be and was sobbing my eyes out.

Totally weird dreams. I wonder if they had anything to do with each other.

About the "Tom" one - I miss him. And I know he's probably going to look at my blog at some point, but he already knows that I miss him. I know where we went wrong, and the biggest problem is not being able to go back in time to fix it. Le sigh.

One part of our problem was my self esteem, my ability to NOT see my relationship as my identity and to NOT have my self esteem based on what kind of relationship I'm in. Whatever I'm doing about my self esteem, it seems to be working, somewhat. I mean, it's a long row to hoe, but I'm working on it. I think it's eating better and seeing results from that (though yesterday, for some reason, I was starving all day, and woke up with my stomach feeling totally empty this morning...don't know what's going on there). My pants are feeling looser, which is a nice bonus, but I also just feel healthier. The fatigue is still there, but not as pronounced.

That could also be because I have been going on short walk/jogs, and doing only as much as I feel I can without overdoing it. I should be hearing from the sleep specialist this week...Hope hope hope.

Anyway, about dreams...I realized that I don't really have any anymore. How depressing is that? Doesn't everyone have dreams? The only thing I can think of now is that in the next 5 years, I'd like to work on owning a place, a condo or townhouse maybe. The (North) American dream...I don't even have dreams of writing a screenplay, or making a movie, or publishing a novel, or any of that stuff. I feel like I'm finding the joy in writing again (it was gone for a while), so maybe I just need some time.

(The cow jumped over the moon...Way to go, cow!)

What are your dreams? Silly, serious, whatever...What are they, if you don't mind sharing?